A gift to myself this Christmas

It felt good getting out my feelings last night. Kind of like going to therapy with myself.

5 weeks to Christmas. I am 5'2, probably 129 or 130lb right now. (It's a bloaty week over here people... ugh). If I lost even a pound a week, I could be 125lb for Christmas. If one week I went biggest loser style and lost 2 whole pounds, I could be 124.

Here's the deal, I never seem to lose the weight when I set a goal. I am sure I did this last year. De ja vue. (sp?) Also, I am not going for a big weight loss of 20lbs. I am on really, the last 10lbs as we like to call it. Which makes this all much harder.

The difference this year: its going to happen.

So my goal to myself, to open up on Christmas day, is to reach 124lbs.

Get determined!

I always get to this realization but never seem to cross the finish line. I have to be so determined with myself to reach my goals. I have to have so much faith in myself to reach my goals. It always seems I start that way, but never reach the end result.

I get this inner motivation screaming "you can do this, just work hard" and then for some reason that voice is silenced. I look down at my thighs and it seems they are slowly getting more flabby. I look at my abs and it seems they are getting more blurry.

This has to be war. Really. For me it has to be war against whatever it is silencing my hope. It has to be war against those flabby thighs. In the end this isn't solely about fat loss. It is figuring out why this inner motivating voice gives up. And it has been giving up for five years.

Five years I have been trying to drop these last 10 pounds! Five long years I have been working to separate myself from ordinary to extraordinary in terms of my body. I have been an athlete my whole life. And for FIVE years I have been trying to chisel these muscles to show. And this voice... this voice leads me to food. It pulls me back where I started. I might have made progress through the week, but food is what can erase it.

I'm not going to let food erase my progress. I am not going to let it run my life. I like the WD principles, because I notice I am 'scared' of being hungry. I am really afraid that if I get hungry, all of a sudden I am going to just eat everything in sight. Time to learn some control.

Ready for Turkey Day to be here

Oh yes, I am ready for Thanksgiving! Maybe all the stupid school projects have something to do with it. I am graduating in December, and cannot wait to be finished. I am also taking the (for the most part) worthless classes.

Last night I had a great spin class. Worked hard and sweat a ton. This afternoon I will probably do some kettlebell work and take a "latin groove" class. Should be fun.

I'm interested in Ori's controlled fatigue training, but don't have extra $ to spend on it. eh, for now I will focus on mastering the WD principles.

Will try to post later- back to writing my research paper!

Warrior Diet

I have been recently following a few kettlebellers (tempting to say kettleballers) and they have sparked my interest for the Warrior Diet. I recently received my book in the mail and I am excited to say I will be starting this style of eating all out tomorrow!

I did eat "Warrior Style" last week, but still was unclear about some things. Basically, you eat light during the day (think fruit, veggies, light protein, yogurt) and have a bigger meal at night (all clean foods).

I am interested in his estrogen theory. I tend to hold stubborn, and I mean stubborn, fat on my thighs and arms. My weight hasn't changed but I have felt "softer" lately after adding in more soy based foods. I have switched from soymilk recently back to milk. Hopefully it doesn't bother the tummy.

We will see where this takes me. I don't like feeling soft and estrogeny. That's my new word: estrogeny. It's my blog. :) Welcome!